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I recently had an epiphany.

It wasn’t in the shower. It wasn’t while meditating under a tree. It was while sitting in the bathroom.

As I held the toilet paper in my hand, I realized that it was single-ply. Clearly, I had long ago decided to save money by cutting this corner. “We are not in a position to indulge in such excesses!” I imagine I might have thought, shifting my shopping gaze from comfy double-ply Charmin to a stoic, mascot-less house brand of single-ply.

Of course, here’s the problem: single-ply is a fool’s bargain. It’s a translucent sham. If you don’t want to shove your fingers directly into the pit of despair, you need to fold it over itself again and again, defeating any cost savings. And even if you did save $5 per month, isn’t the extra $5 worth trading 30 days of butt-sanding for 30 days of butt-caressing?

To make any headway with this, I first had to look backward…

My family didn’t have much disposable income. We ate a lot of TV dinners, we collected our soda cans for the five-cent redemptions at the beverage store, and we bought books on the discount “remainder” table at the local bookstore. To be clear, I never felt poor, but I knew that we weren’t rich. 

And our extreme frugality served a critical purpose at the time. It was important to the well-being of our family. Clear parameters around spending, and clear taboos around money, kept things from falling apart.

But flash forward 35+ years. Optimizing for frugality is now old, childhood software that’s been running in my head — unquestioned and unexamined — for decades. It became a default mode during formative years, and it got grandfathered into my current life, where it simply doesn’t apply in the same way. No conscious, comprehensive updates have been made in a very long time.

So, sitting with my pants around my ankles, I began asking about the rest of my life: where am I still using single-ply?

Where am I still choosing the lowest-cost or low-cost option without thinking about the downsides?

To dissect this, I’ve been 1) looking at how I spend money, and where it’s provided outsized returns, and 2) asking myself — as a recovering frugality addict — a bunch of uncomfortable questions.

1) Looking at how I spend money, and where it’s provided outsized returns. Especially as I approach the new year, this pairs well with a Past-Year Review (PYR). In practice, it’s really simple. Look at different records of your past spending and note down anything that you feel was money really well spent. Here are a few approaches I like: reviewing Amazon purchases for the year, looking at all of my photos from the past year, and looking at credit card statements. I found the photos to be particularly useful. Equally helpful is looking for spending where the juice wasn’t worth the squeeze; in other words, where was the cost not worth it? These are things you can trim to make space for higher-value investments.

2) Asking myself — as a recovering frugality addict — a bunch of uncomfortable questions.

Here are a few I’ve found helpful so far: 

What purchases of $100 or less have most positively impacted my life in the last 12 months? Are they grouped in particular areas? In my case, as an example, nearly all answers were related to sleep, health, travel/experiences, or gifts for family and friends.

What might it look like to invest more than $100 into those high-leverage areas? What might it look like if you spent $1,000, $10,000, or $100,000 per year? I realize this might seem insane, but it might also be the most important question. The goal is not to unleash the Kraken of irresponsibility and spend like a drunken sailor. If you’ve been programmed to buy gallons of Costco ketchup to save two cents per serving, these questions are simply thought exercises, intended to stretch you in the opposite direction. As I mentioned in Tools of Titans when discussing Peter Thiel’s seemingly absurd question of “If you have a 10-year plan of how to get [somewhere], you should ask: Why can’t you do this in 6 months?”: 

“Now, let’s pause. Do I expect you to take 10 seconds to ponder this and then magically accomplish 10 years’ worth of dreams in the next few months? No, I don’t. But I do expect that the question will productively break your mind, like a butterfly shattering a chrysalis to emerge with new capabilities. The ‘normal’ systems you have in place, the social rules you’ve forced upon yourself, the standard frameworks—they don’t work when answering a question like this. You are forced to shed artificial constraints, like shedding a skin, to realize that you had the ability to renegotiate your reality all along. It just takes practice.”

Podcast guest and personal finance expert Ramit Sethi helped me think about high-leverage spending by introducing the concept of pulling “financial levers.” He recommended asking hypothetical questions akin to “If physical fitness and health are so important to you and affect everything else, what might spending 10x more per year on that look like? 100x? If you can afford it, how could you test it for a short time to gauge the results?”

One personal result: I combined my answers to this and the first question to gift my parents packages of sessions with a personal trainer (i.e., health + gifts to family and friends + 10x spending). After a short trial period, the physical and emotional rewards have been so great that I’m going to continue with this for the next year.

What indulgences were worth it? Which indulgences would I repeat? What do they have in common?

What indulgences were not worth it? What do they have in common?

Where can I spend more money to create frequent moments of joy, or where can I spend money to save time? What might a two-week test look like, just to dip my toe in the water?

Make an inventory of things you do on a daily or weekly basis. For an extra $100 per month, for instance, you can have the best toothbrush, toothpaste, laptop stand, socks, eye mask for sleeping, and more. For $10-50, you can also take many of your enjoyable vices from mediocre to world-class.

For saving time: What about wash and fold laundry? What about dog walkers? What about paying someone to clean your car interior? Commit to making a list of at least 20 ideas, and include the absurd. Brain dump now, edit later.

The above are all real examples from my life. The little things can make a big difference. In fact, in day to day life, the little things often are the big things.

THINKING ABOUT FRUGALITY, NOT THOUGHTLESS FRUGALITY

What might it look like to be frugal by choice instead of by default?

Once again, there is a time and a place for frugality. There are situations where survival-level spending habits are the smartest habits.

There are also times for asking “If I spend this dollar, where is the highest-leverage place to spend it?” instead of simply “How can I avoid spending this dollar?”

As a personal example, I’ve decided that I’m happy to spend a lot of money on ethical, quality food, but I’m rarely willing to spend more than $50 on a bottle of wine. I can easily tell (and feel) the difference between mid-tier and high-quality food, but fancy wine is like pearls before swine for this Long Island boy.

What might it look like to move from scarcity-based decision-making to outcome-based decision-making? Not to spend as much as possible, but to more intelligently and rationally answer the question, “Where should I invest more and where should I invest less? Where does it make a meaningful difference?” Note that the order of these questions really matters. Ask first “Where should I invest more?” and then only “Where should I invest less?”

What does your last year — not your childhood beliefs — tell you about where you might invest more for a higher quality of life?

Please do let me know your thoughts in the comments. For me, this is a work-in-progress, and I’m eager to learn from others.

Where are you still using single-ply?

Where has spending more, or reallocating funds, helped you the most? Or where do you think it would help you the most?

What other questions have you found helpful for thinking about these topics?

###

Recommended resources:
Forget New Year’s Resolutions and Conduct a ‘Past Year Review’ Instead
How to ‘Waste Money’ To Improve the Quality of Your Life
Testing The “Impossible”: 17 Questions That Changed My Life
Ramit Sethi — Automating Finances, Negotiating Prenups, Disagreeing with Tim, and More
Mr. Money Mustache — Living Beautifully on $25-27K Per Year
Interview with Peter Thiel, Billionaire Investor and Company Creator

timferriss?i=XgtH-xHXB_Y:SpSe5Gf4eYo:V_s timferriss?d=yIl2AUoC8zA timferriss?d=7Q72WNTAKBA timferriss?i=XgtH-xHXB_Y:SpSe5Gf4eYo:D7D timferriss?i=XgtH-xHXB_Y:SpSe5Gf4eYo:gIN

Source: https://tim.blog/2019/12/30/where-are-you-still-using-single-ply/

Almost every image you see is altered in some way so that the person in it appears more attractive.

Meanwhile the images you see of your own body are not altered. So, right off the bat, you are consistently in a position where you are made to feel as if you are falling behind. This affects everyone everywhere on the beauty spectrum. Even the models who take the beautiful photos you see in advertisements don’t look like themselves. Take a look at how much this model’s appearance is modified throughout this photoshoot:

This is because the more you feel like you’re not good enough, the more money can be made off of you.

Think about how often feeling afraid causes you to spend money.

We’re afraid we’re not attractive enough so we buy magazines, makeup, clothes we don’t need, and expensive skincare so that we might be happy with how we look. We’re afraid we’re not healthy enough compared to our peers so we purchase workout classes, athleisure, gym memberships, Peloton bikes, apple watches, and special diet food. If we’re in love, are we “in love” enough? Will he buy a big enough ring? Will she spend enough on the right kind of clothing? Will their house be big enough? Their child in the right kinds of sports or programs? The “enough” questions never end because the most powerful people in the world make the most money when you feel like your perfect future is perpetually just within reach if you would only buy what they are selling.

This is not a setting in which it’s easy to feel satisfied with what you already have.

This means we aren’t exposed to “real” bodies.

In other generations, people came of age discovering what other people’s bodies look like (and therefore what they should expect their body to look like) through seeing their family members, change rooms at school, and going to the beach. Now, people are primarily exposed to what other people’s bodies look like through the internet, especially porn. Instead of comparing your body to your sibling or your parent’s body, you are now comparing it to professionals who are paid to maintain their body as an aesthetic ideal. It’s very disorienting because most of us don’t even realize this shift has happened.

If we didn’t have a culture that ran on making others feel less than so that they’ll buy stuff we might have adapted to this change in a healthy way instead of preying on it.

Sizes don’t actually mean anything.

Just like the number on the scale, it’s easy to feel very attached to a specific number as your ideal “size”. Unfortunately, these numbers are completely arbitrary and have no static meaning whatsoever. There is no universal size chart. Not only do clothing sizes vary greatly between brands, the same size at the same brand can be inches apart in width due to the process of mass producing clothing and how piles of fabric are cut. When trying clothes on, we feel like we are defective if our normal size doesn’t fit. Our expectation is that clothings sizes are precise and it is our bodies that are incorrect if something doesn’t fit.

We’re being gaslit by influencers.

juliealedbetter Instagram

Unfortunately giving the appearance of going through recovery and becoming a healthier, less image-obsessed person is easier than actually doing the work. There are tons of “recovery” or “body positive” influencers who talk about their eating or body problems in the past tense while actively engaging in disordered behaviors. Some even use recovery language to sell their own diet programs or target weight loss ads at those in recovery. Everyone pretends that they *now* have a great relationship with food and their body. It’s very disorienting as a consumer whose lived experiences seem so much harder and uglier than what we see on the screen. We think: “Why don’t we experience life’s problems in an entirely cute package? What’s wrong with us?”

Even when we thrive, it always looks easier and more glamorous when someone else does it. If everyone felt safe and secure that they would have the community and resources they needed in life, this entire aesthetic built on appearing “more” than others would vanish overnight. There would be no one’s fear left to play on.

Even those at the top can’t accept their bodies as is.

Kim Kardashian Instagram

No one is “winning” the game. The Kardashian/Jenner family are considered beautiful by millions of people and their empires are built off of contour makeup, body slimmers and laxative tea. If they are considered a beauty ideal and even they aren’t happy with their bodies, it’s clear that this is an unwinnable task for anyone. Being thin or being beautiful doesn’t bring with it an absence of anxiety about being thin enough or beautiful enough. Often the people at the “top” have to worry about these things the most because they’ve constructed lives where they don’t have the ability to “opt out” of beauty standards the way you’d be able to if your money wasn’t tied to your appearance. No one has put more time and money into looking beautiful than Khloe Kardashian and she’s experienced being cheated on both before and after this became her priority because beauty isn’t a requirement or a deciding factor in whether you can find a partner who treats you with respect. The reverse is also true: we know people who don’t wear makeup who are happily married. We know fat people find love all the time. Every single human being (beautiful or otherwise) feels pangs of loneliness on a regular basis. We can see that the promise that being more beautiful will eliminate our other problems just doesn’t deliver.


Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/christine-stockton/2019/12/ways-capitalism-makes-you-feel-like-your-body-isnt-enough/

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

You worked your ass off in 2019 and have no intention of slowing down in 2020. Sure, there were moments in the last few months when you wondered whether your hard work was ever going to pay off, moments when you felt like everything you’ve been doing has been pointless, but you’re going to get rewarded in 2020 as long as you keep putting in the same amount of effort. You’re finally going to see the results you’ve been waiting to see. You’re finally going to have proof that what you’ve been doing does have meaning and is going to be worth it. You’re finally going to be able to say you’re proud of yourself. You just need to enter 2020 with high hopes for the year. You need to believe you’re going to accomplish everything you set out to do.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

2019 was a transitional period for you. It was a busy time, a time of loss and a time of gain, a time of trying to figure out what you wanted from your future. Now that you’re settled down in your new role, now that you have some idea about what direction you want to propel your life, 2020 is going to be good to you. You’re going to meet new people and experience new things — including emotions. You’re going to feel a sense of peace, fulfillment, and happiness that has been missing from your heart for a while. You’re going to feel like your life is finally back on track. You’re going to regain the confidence you lost the last few years.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

2019 broke your spirit. It made you doubt yourself and your future. It made you cry tears into your bedsheets and scream into your pillow. Even though 2019 didn’t treat you kindly, 2020 is going to be a time of healing for you. It’s going to give you the opportunity to rebuild. It’s going to remind you that you aren’t a failure, you aren’t a lost cause, you aren’t falling behind. 2020 is going to prove you can get through anything the world throws at you, and even though you might have lingering regrets about your past, you can still enjoy your future. A bad year doesn’t mean a bad life. Just because your 2019 was rough, that doesn’t mean your 2020 is going to be rough. It just might be the greatest year of your life.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

2019 was repetitive. Every single day felt the same because you would get up, go to work, go back home, and repeat the process again the next day. It barely felt like you had a social life — but in 2020, that’s going to change. You’re going to be getting out more on weekends. You’re going to be taking more risks, stepping outside of your comfort zone, and embarking on new adventures. You’re going to spend a lot more time bonding with your family, a lot more time relaxing with friends, and a lot more time pursuing love. In 2020, you’re going to get the chance to enjoy your existence instead of simply coping with it. TC mark


Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/holly-riordan/2019/12/the-4-zodiacs-that-will-blossom-and-bloom-in-2020/

The longer you date a toxic human, the more you’ll resemble the worst parts of them. It’s not that you find their behavior acceptable. It’s that, in order to survive your relationship, in order to cope with the horrible way they treat you, you’re going to have to do some lying and manipulating of your own.

You’ll lie to your friends and family about arguments and insults and bruises in order to make your partner look better, in order to prevent your loved ones from hating them, or even worse, nagging you to break up with them. You’ll leave out key details from stories you’re too ashamed to tell and skip over parts that you don’t want to relive. You might even distance yourself from your loved ones, because you don’t want to lie to them, so it’s easier to ignore their texts.

Of course, the lying doesn’t stop there. You’ll lie to your person in order to keep yourself out of trouble. It’s not that you’ve done anything wrong. It’s that you know what sets them off.

Maybe they get angry whenever you speak to another man, so you never mention the guy at work who has been training you or the neighbor who spoke to you while you were getting the mail. Instead of accepting the fact your partner has unfair rules for you and you should break up with them, you find a way around those rules. You learn how to navigate your toxic relationship without causing any extra ripples. You learn how to prevent the drama whenever possible by lying and leaving out information that would set your partner off.

When you’re in a toxic relationship, you’ll lie to yourself most of all. You’ll tell yourself that every relationship has speed bumps. Every relationship goes sour after the puppy love phase. Every relationship needs some work.

Every single time they screw up, you’ll lie to yourself about how you’re not leaving this time but you’ll definitely leave if they make another mistake, if they hurt you again, if they repeat the behavior they’ve already been repeating for months. You’ll lie to yourself about how this is love, about how this is okay, about how you can handle this, about how it could be worse, about how you’re lucky to have anyone at all. You’ll lie to yourself because it’s too painful to admit you’ve been with the wrong person this entire time.

The longer you’re in a toxic relationship, the less you’ll recognize yourself. The less happy you’ll be with yourself. The less you’ll trust yourself. The worst part is that you’ll start blaming yourself. Whenever your partner screws up, you’ll justify it by saying you aren’t perfect either, you’ve lied too, you’ve done some bad things too. This creates a dangerous cycle you don’t want to find yourself stuck in.

That’s why you need to get out of a toxic relationship as soon as possible. You need to pack your bags and leave. You need to save yourself because it won’t get better the longer you’re together. It’s only going to get worse. TC mark


Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/holly-riordan/2019/12/dating-a-toxic-human-will-turn-you-into-a-liar/

It’s a good idea to stay single when you want to focus on yourself, get to know yourself, learn to love yourself. But you shouldn’t swear off from relationships, simply because you feel lost and broken inside. You don’t actually need your shit together before you enter a new relationship. You don’t need to play the role of some perfect, flawless human in order to convince someone to fall for you.

No matter how much work you put into bettering yourself, you’re always going to feel like there’s more work to do, but your weaknesses don’t make you unlovable. If anything, the fact that you’re willing to put effort into self-growth makes you the perfect partner.

Part of a strong, committed relationship is growing together. Figuring out your futures together. Helping each other become better versions of yourself through encouragement, motivation, and unconditional support.

When you find the right person for you, they aren’t going to care about the things you consider flaws. They’re going to love you without restrictions, without ultimatums, without buts.

The right person isn’t going to pressure you to change yourself, but if there’s something you have your heart set on changing, then they are going to be there for you every step of the way. They’re going to cheer you on, because if something is important to you, it’s important to them.

You don’t have to wait until you feel like you have your shit together to start dating, because you’re going to be waiting a long time. There’s always something you can improve, something you wish you were doing more, something you wish you were doing less. You have to remember, just because there are things you wish you could change about yourself, that doesn’t mean others wish you would change. The right person will love who you are today and who you become tomorrow. They will love every version of you.

If you need some time alone to heal after a toxic relationship or to work on your career goals or learn to love yourself properly, then stay single. You don’t need a relationship in order to feel fulfilled. You don’t need a partner to walk you through the world.

But if you’re purposely keeping your heart locked away because you’re worried you aren’t put together enough to handle a relationship, then you need to reframe your thinking.

You don’t actually need your shit together before you enter a relationship. No one, not even the people you admire most in this world, feels like they have their shit 100% together. As long as you’re in a place where you can give love and accept love (and respect), then you’re exactly where you need to be. You don’t need to fix every flaw before you step on the dating scene. You don’t need to break every bad habit in order to consider yourself lovable.

You’re a work in progress, but guess what? So is everyone else you’re going to meet. So if you find someone worth dating, don’t hold yourself back out of fear you won’t be enough. TC mark


Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/holly-riordan/2019/12/you-dont-need-your-life-100-percent-together-before-you-start-dating/

Photo of Steve Jurvetson

“If disruption is what you seek, cognitive island-hopping is a good place to start, mining the interstices between academic disciplines.”  — Steve Jurvetson

Welcome to another episode of The Tim Ferriss Show, where it is my job to sit down with world-class performers of all different types — from startup founders and investors to chess champions to Olympic athletes. This episode, however, is an experiment and part of a shorter series I’m doing called “Books I’ve Loved.” I’ve invited some amazing past guests, close friends, and new faces to share their favorite books — the books that have influenced them, changed them, and transformed them for the better. I hope you pick up one or two new mentors — in the form of books — from this new series and apply the lessons in your own life.

Steve Jurvetson (@jurvetson) is an early-stage venture capitalist with a focus on founder-led, mission-driven companies at the cutting edge of disruptive technology and new industry formation. Steve was the early VC investor in SpaceXTeslaPlanetMemphis MeatsHotmail, and the deep learning companies Mythic and Nervana. He has led founding investments in five companies that went public in successful IPOs and several others that were acquired for a total of over a $100 billion in value creation.

Before founding Future Ventures and DFJ before that, Steve was an R&D engineer at Hewlett Packard and worked in product marketing at Apple and NeXT, and management consulting with Bain & Company. He currently serves on the boards of Tesla, SpaceX, and D-Wave.

Please enjoy!

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Overcast, Stitcher, Castbox, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. 


This podcast is brought to you by Four Sigmatic. I reached out to these Finnish entrepreneurs after a very talented acrobat introduced me to one of their products, which blew my mind (in the best way possible). It is mushroom coffee featuring Lion’s Mane. It tastes like coffee, but there are only 40 milligrams of caffeine, so it has less than half of what you would find in a regular cup of coffee. I do not get any jitters, acid reflux, or any type of stomach burn. It put me on fire for an entire day, and I only had half of the packet.

You can try it right now by going to foursigmatic.com/tim and using the code Tim to get 20 percent off your first order. If you are in the experimental mindset, I do not think you’ll be disappointed.


What was your favorite quote or lesson from this episode? Please let me know in the comments.

SCROLL BELOW FOR LINKS AND SHOW NOTES…

Want to hear another episode of Books I’ve Loved? — Check out Seth Godin and Esther Perel’s contributions to the series here. (Stream below or right-click here to download):

#402: Books I’ve Loved — Seth Godin and Esther Perel
https://rss.art19.com/episodes/5a004c1f-c9ba-4124-95a1-61bd9fbfabd3.mp3Download

SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE

  • Connect with Steve Jurvetson:

Future Ventures | Facebook | Flickr | Twitter

Steve’s previous appearance on the podcast: 317

SHOW NOTES

PEOPLE MENTIONED

timferriss?i=OFEGPZlKlXU:WaMZOjST8ec:V_s timferriss?d=yIl2AUoC8zA timferriss?d=7Q72WNTAKBA timferriss?i=OFEGPZlKlXU:WaMZOjST8ec:D7D timferriss?i=OFEGPZlKlXU:WaMZOjST8ec:gIN

Source: https://tim.blog/2019/12/30/steve-jurvetson-recommended-books/

You shouldn’t feel like you’re weak because you’re having so much trouble walking away from someone who hurt you. Saying goodbye to someone you love is never easy, even if that person is toxic. Even if that person clearly has no room in your world anymore. Even if you know the best thing for yourself is to leave them in the past.

The reason you kept them in your world for such a long time is because they meant something to you. They weren’t always so cruel and manipulative. You have plenty of good memories with them, which is what makes walking away so hard. You feel like you owe them something after everything they’ve done for you. You feel like, since they treated you so well in the past, this could be a rough patch they’re going to get through sometime soon. You feel like, if you stick around and endure the pain for a little bit longer, then maybe you’ll be rewarded for your sacrifice. But none of that is true.

You have to stop convincing yourself to stay because they aren’t all bad or because you have such a long, complicated history with them or because you aren’t sure whether they are going to survive without you (or whether you’re going to survive without them). You have to stop lying to yourself about how fighting for your relationship is the right thing to do when you know, deep down, that it’s time to leave. It’s time to put yourself first for a change. It’s time to prioritize your sanity over your heart.

Sometimes, the last thing you want to do is the right thing to do. Sometimes, the person who claims they love you more than anyone is the person who is hurting you worse than anyone. Sometimes, you have to walk away from someone even though you wish things could’ve ended some other way, any other way.

It’s sad to say goodbye, even to someone toxic, so don’t let your hesitation trick you into believing you’re making the wrong decision. Even though you’re better off without them in your world, it’s going to be tough living without them at first. You’re going to miss them. You’re going to be tempted to reach out to them and fall back into the same old patterns. You’re going to need weeks, months, years to heal from what they put your heart through.

Leaving is hard. Staying away is even harder. But you cannot allow your heartache or your guilt or your loneliness to convince you to lower your standards. You cannot allow yourself to walk back into the arms of someone who has hurt you, even if they’re begging for a second chance, even if they’re swearing they aren’t going to repeat the same mistakes again. You have to stay strong. You have to stay stubborn. You have to stay away from them.

Walking away from someone you love, even someone toxic, is never easy. But it is worth it. TC mark


Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/holly-riordan/2019/12/its-sad-to-say-goodbye-even-to-someone-toxic/

You might feel like you’re doing the right thing by giving your almost space and allowing them to set the pace, but patience isn’t always the answer. When it comes to relationships, you should be upfront about your feelings from the start. You don’t want to sit around waiting for someone to send a text, to like your photos, to ask you on a date, to make any kind of move.

Tell your almost you want to be official because it’s better to know how they feel than guess how they feel. If they’re on the same page as you, then admitting your feelings will allow you to start your love story early. And if you’re on completely different page, then you’ll be able to start your healing process early.

Either way, it’s better to show your vulnerable side, to speak your mind, to let your feelings be known. It’s better to have an honest conversation with them, because even though it will hurt to be told they don’t feel the same way, it will hurt even worse to chase after them for months without knowing whether you’re ever going to become an actual couple. It’s better to rip the bandage off early. It’s better to know.

Tell your almost you want to be official because you’re not happy with the way things are right now. You want more. You want something serious. You want something special. You shouldn’t be embarrassed to admit that. You shouldn’t settle for what you have now out of fear you might scare them away by speaking your truth. If they’re the right person for you, they won’t run when you tell them how much you like them. They’ll return the favor. They’ll ask you on a real date. They’ll give you everything you were hoping to find.

Tell your almost you want to be official because you don’t deserve to sit around wondering whether they care about you as much as you care about them. You don’t deserve to stare at your phone, debating whether they’re taking so long to text back because they’re trying to come up with the perfect response or because they’re out with someone else. You don’t deserve to waste your time playing games, trying to guess how they feel about you, trying to guess whether they’re going to ask you out sometime soon, trying to guess whether they’re your soulmate or another temporary soul.

Tell your almost you want to be official. Be brave. Take a risk. Escape your comfort zone. Otherwise, if you keep your feelings locked up inside, they might never piece together how you feel about them. They might assume you’d rather stay friends. They might assume you’re still stuck on your ex. They might assume you’re interested in dating someone else.

They might be too nervous to make a move, so if you don’t make one either, you might never end up together. You might be the only thing standing between you and your happily ever after. TC mark


Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/holly-riordan/2019/12/tell-your-almost-you-want-to-be-official/

Sometimes, especially when you’re in the process of healing from a past heartache, keeping your walls up is actually a good idea. You don’t want to jump into a new relationship too quickly, before you have the time to process what happened to you, before you have the time to deal with your baggage, before you have the time to adjust your standards accordingly.

Sometimes, especially when you’ve been stuck in a toxic relationship recently, keeping your walls up is actually a good idea. It can protect you from getting too attached to someone else with bad intentions. It can protect you from falling into the same old patterns. It can protect you from repeating history.

Sometimes, especially when you’re in a vulnerable space, keeping your walls up is actually a good idea. It allows you to stay cautious. It allows you to move at a pace that makes you feel comfortable. It allows you to see someone’s true colors before you hand them your whole heart.

Sometimes, you need to take precautions to protect yourself. Sometimes, there isn’t anything wrong with taking your sweet time getting to know someone, trust someone, love someone. Sometimes, your walls are there to save you.

Of course, you need to know when to tear those walls down. You need to know when to say enough is enough, these walls are no longer serving me, they are only smothering me. You need to know when you’ve been careful for long enough and it’s finally time to take a risk, to take a chance, to put yourself out there again.

Even though your walls can provide a safe space for you, you need to learn how to recognize when it’s time to step out of that space. Your walls shouldn’t be permanent. They shouldn’t be stuck. They shouldn’t lock out the people who have proven they can be trusted, who have proven they genuinely care about you, who have proven they aren’t going to hurt you like the people from your past.

Leaving your walls up for too long can do as much damage as not erecting any walls at all. It can push the right people away. It can leave you alone and isolated. It can prevent you from entering the greatest relationship of your life. It can prevent you from finding real love, selfless love, the kind of love you wish you had found earlier before you started feeling like you needed to protect your heart.

What you always need to remember is, sometimes, your walls are going to protect you from heartache. Other times, they are going to cause your heartache.

That’s why you need to be careful. Don’t leave them up for too long. Don’t hide behind them forever. Don’t swear off of relationships permanently, simply because you had one or two bad experiences in the past. Don’t push yourself away from someone who you know is going to make you happy, someone who has never done you wrong, someone who deserves a real chance. Don’t lock away your heart without any intention of letting it roam free again. TC mark


Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/holly-riordan/2019/12/sometimes-keeping-your-walls-up-is-actually-a-good-idea/

1. My condom expires in 2020. Do you want to help me use it?

2. Got anyone to kiss at midnight yet?

3. I heard your resolution was to meet your soulmate. Well, I’m right here.

4. My resolution is to start making the first move.

5. At midnight, how would you like to go somewhere and feel my ball drop?

6. Want to start the new year with a bang?

7. Do you know it’s unlucky not to kiss anyone at midnight?

8. My resolution is to lose my virginity, wanna help?

9. Have you had enough champagne to think I’m cute yet?

10. Do you want to see two balls drop?

11. My New Year’s resolution is to get fewer restraining orders put on me. What’s yours?

12. If you get me in before the end of the year, you can write it off.

13. My new year’s resolution is to make you my girlfriend.

14. I’ve got a party hat. Want to be a noise maker?

15. Don’t leave the party too early. The last thing I want to say to you before we part is “good morning.”

16. Can I be your first mistake of the year? TC mark


Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/january-nelson/2019/12/16-new-years-pick-up-lines-to-help-you-get-a-kiss-as-the-ball-drops/

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