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I’m ready.

I’m ready to let you go. I’m so ready to let you go. You weren’t the easiest or the happiest and I’m ready to say goodbye to everything you’ve brought. I’m ready to let go of the parts of you that disappointed me, the people who let me down, the moments that I couldn’t hold myself together and the times when I almost gave up on myself.

I learned.

You taught me a few important lessons the hard way. You taught me that nothing is ever predictable, especially people. You taught me that family could easily diminish your value in a moment of anger, friends could replace you when they find their significant other, people can lie to your heart and break it just to mend theirs, but most of all you taught me how to stand alone, which will always be the hardest lesson for me, but you proved to me that the only person I can control is me and the only person I can really count on is also me. You taught me not to get too attached to people or trust too much or love too much. You taught me that I have to always guard myself even from the closest people to my heart. But…..

I forgive you.

I forgive you for all the pain, the betrayal, the unpleasant surprises, and the confusion. I forgive you for the countless nights you made me sleep with tears in my eyes. I forgive you for making the happy times short-lived. I forgive you for not going the way I wanted you to go. Maybe there is something about you that will help me in the years to come. Maybe as much as I want to forget you, you will be the year I look back on to avoid future disasters or think twice before getting close to someone again or maybe you’ll be the year that brought me closer to myself and that will make all the difference. However…

I appreciate you.

You still brought me a lot of blessings. A lot of laughter. A lot of unforgettable moments and people. A lot of memories that will make me smile for years to come. Ironically, as much as you made me feel dead inside, you brought me moments that made me feel alive like never before. You had your way of making up for the bad times or the hard times and I appreciate you for making a few things better. I appreciate you for giving me just enough to keep going, to keep believing, to look forward to what’s coming next and to have faith that the best is yet to come.

I’m going to get over you.

I’m already healing from your wounds. I’m already looking ahead. I’m done living in your sob story. I’m done being your victim. I’m done letting you take so much space and energy. I’m done dwelling on all the things I didn’t do and all the dreams you didn’t let me live. I’m done trying to make everything happen before you end.

You weren’t the year for me and it’s time to move on. It’s time to let you go.

2019 —

I don’t know what to expect, I don’t know what you hold for me, I don’t know if you’ll be better or worse, but I know that I’m ready for you. I’ve survived the worst and now I’m ready to write a new story on your empty pages, literally. I can only hope that this time, it’s going to be a happy one. I can only hope that this time, you are the year for me. TC mark


Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/rania-naim/2018/12/2018-im-ready-to-let-you-go/

Loving Them Should Be Easy 

Relationships are not easy.

There are going to be bad days. There are going to be misunderstandings. There are going to be fights. There are going to be nasty looks and rolled eyes and I’m fines. 

If you want your relationship to last, then you cannot run away at the first sign of trouble. You cannot give up on your person because they rubbed you the wrong way once or twice. You have to make compromises. You have to say sorry. You have to accept apologies. You have to communicate. You have to care.

Committed relationships need constant effort. They need a shitton of work.

Even if you two are perfect for each other, there are still going to be arguments. But when you love someone, you will pull a blanket over them after they fall asleep on the couch even if they just finished screaming at you. You will leave a glass of water and aspirin out for them after a night of drinking even if they said some horrible things while drunk.

Even when you are pissed at them, you will not want to see them cry. Even when you are planning on giving them the silent treatment, you will have the temptation to text them. Even when you are supposed to be annoyed with them, they will find ways to make you laugh aloud.

When you love someone, you never stay mad for too long. Working out your problems seems like the only option. The alternative would mean losing them, maybe now or maybe sometime down the line, and that is the last thing you want to happen. You appreciate your person. You value your person. That is why you always make up with your person.

There are going to be times when you want nothing to do with them, when you wish they would leave you alone, when you would rather be anywhere except in the same room as them. But you will never stop loving them. You will never forget why you are with them. You will never doubt the strength of your feelings.

Relationships are hard — but loving your person should be easy. It should come naturally to you. It should be as instinctive as breathing.

You should be able to list a million reasons why you love your person off the top of your head. You should be able to feel yourself relaxing the moment they walk into the room. You should be able to say I am the luckiest person in the world and mean every word.

Loving them should be easy. You should feel comfortable kissing them on the lips. You should feel comfortable talking to them about your past. You should be comfortable sharing good news with them, sharing bad news with them, and sharing silence with them. When they are around, you should feel like you are in exactly the right place.

You should never assume relationships are easy — but loving your person should be the easiest thing in the world. TC mark


Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/holly-riordan/2018/12/relationships-are-hard-but-loving-someone-should-be-easy/

Never Date Someone With Jealousy Issues 

Never date someone with jealousy issues because they are going to take their own insecurities out on you. They are going to blame you for mistakes people from their past have made. They are going to expect your relationship to end. They are going to expect you to hurt them. They are going to expect something horrible to go wrong.

Never date someone with jealousy issues because they will get upset whenever you set plans with your friends. They will get upset whenever you text another person in front of them. They will get upset whenever you work extra hours or take a vacation out of state or like a picture online.

Never date someone with jealousy issues because they will take little things out of context. They will turn every situation around on you. They will find more and more reasons to be suspicious of you, even when you have been completely loyal to them, even when you have given up everything for them.

Never date someone with jealousy issues because they will find subtle ways to control you — but they will not come across as the controlling type. They will not give you ultimatums. They will not set rules for you to follow. But the rules will be implied.

In order to keep the peace, in order to stop your person from crying and freaking out about whether or not you actually love them, you will end up making sacrifices for them. You will sacrifice time with your friends and family. You will sacrifice your hobbies. You will sacrifice your own happiness.

Never date someone with jealousy issues because they will expect to be the center of your world. They will not want you to have a good time unless they are involved. They will not want you to care about anyone else as much as you care about them. They will hog all of your attention. They will ask for more than you are able to give.

Never date someone with jealousy issues because they will make you feel guilty when you have not done anything wrong. They will make you feel like the bad guy when you thought you were doing the right thing. They will make you feel like you are a screwup, like every move you make is the wrong one.

Never date someone with jealousy issues because they will always doubt your love for them. They will always wonder whether you would rather be dating someone else. They will always feel like second best even when you go out of your way to make them your first priority.

Never date someone with jealousy issues unless they are willing to work on their baggage instead of using you as a punching bag. Never date someone with jealousy issues unless they are willing to compromise with you instead of jumping to conclusions. Never date someone with jealousy issues unless they are willing to see situations from your point of view instead of from their clouded view. TC mark


Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/holly-riordan/2018/12/never-date-someone-with-jealousy-issues/

Jim Carrey is more than a comedian. He is more than an actor. He is intelligent and insightful. He is filled with wisdom.

Here are some of the most eye-opening Jim Carrey quotes to help you make it through your day: 

Aries: March 21 – April 19th

“You can fail at what you don’t want so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.”

Taurus: April 20th – May 20th

“Desperation is a necessary ingredient to learning anything, or creating anything. Period. If you ain’t desperate at some point, you ain’t interesting.”

Gemini: May 21st – June 20th

“If you aren’t in the moment, you are either looking forward to uncertainty, or back to pain and regret.”

Cancer: June 21st – July 22nd

“Life opens up opportunities to you, and you either take them or you stay afraid of taking them.”

Leo: July 23rd – August 22nd

“I’m making a conscious choice to see challenges as beneficial so that I can deal with them in the most productive way.”

Virgo: August 23rd – September 22nd

“There is a huge difference between a dog that is going to eat you in your mind and an actual dog that’s going to eat you.”

Libra: September 23rd – October 22nd

“If I’m not taking a career risk, I’m not happy. If I’m scared, then I know I’m being challenged.”

Scorpio: October 23rd – November 21st

“Maybe other people will try to limit me but I don’t limit myself.”

Sagittarius: November 22nd – December 21st

“My focus is to forget the pain of life. Forget the pain, mock the pain, reduce it. And laugh.”

Capricorn: December 22nd – January 19th

“It is better to risk starving to death than surrender. If you give up on your dreams, what’s left?”

Aquarius: January 20th – February 18th

“I really believe in the philosophy that you create your own universe. I’m just trying to create a good one for myself.”

Pisces: February 19th – March 20th

“Life opens up opportunities to you, and you either take them or you stay afraid of taking them.” TC mark


Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/holly-riordan/2018/12/the-inspirational-words-that-will-help-each-zodiac-get-through-december-21/

Credit: O Hello Media, Eric Ananmalay

“If people around you don’t think what you’re doing is a bit strange, maybe it’s not strange enough.” — Patrick Collison

Patrick Collison (@patrickc) is chief executive officer and co-founder of Stripe, a technology company that builds economic infrastructure for the internet.

After experiencing firsthand how difficult it was to set up an online business, Patrick and his brother John started Stripe in 2010. Their goal was to make accepting payments on the internet simpler and more inclusive. Today, Stripe powers millions of online businesses around the world.

Prior to Stripe, Patrick co-founded Auctomatic, which was acquired by Live Current Media for $5 million in March 2008. In 2016, he was named a Presidential Ambassador for Global Entrepreneurship by President Obama. Originally from Limerick, Ireland, Patrick now lives in San Francisco where Stripe is headquartered.

Also, as you can tell from seeing just a selected segment of his reading list shared in the show notes below, he’s one of the most well-read people I know. Please enjoy!

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Overcast, or on your favorite podcast platform. 


Want to hear my interview with one of the founders of Duolingo? — Listen to my interview with Luis Von Ahn, the co-founder of Duolingo, in which we discuss what 2-3 books and resources he’d recommend to entrepreneurs, language learning tips, early mentors and key lessons learned, and how to recruit and vet technical talent (stream below or right-click here to download):

#135: Luis Von Ahn on Learning Languages, Building Companies, and Changing the World
https://rss.art19.com/episodes/5d9f23aa-acd7-4c1b-a960-dd258015305d.mp3Download

This podcast is brought to you by 99designs, the global creative platform that makes it easy for designers and clients to work together create designs they love. Its creative process has become the go-to solution for businesses, agencies, and individuals, and I have used it for years to help with display advertising and illustrations and to rapid prototype the cover for The Tao of Seneca. Whether your business needs a logo, website design, business card, or anything you can imagine, check out 99designs.

You can work with multiple designers at once to get a bunch of different ideas, or hire the perfect designer for your project based based on their style and industry specialization. It’s simple to review concepts and leave feedback so you’ll end up with a design that you’re happy with. Click this link and get a free $99 upgrade.


This podcast is also brought to you by Athletic Greens. I get asked all the time, “If you could only use one supplement, what would it be?” My answer is, inevitably, Athletic Greens. It is my all-in-one nutritional insurance. I recommended it in The 4-Hour Body and did not get paid to do so. As a listener of The Tim Ferriss Show, you’ll get a free 20-count travel pack (valued at $100) with your first order at AthleticGreens.com/Tim.


QUESTION(S) OF THE DAY: What was your favorite quote or lesson from this episode? Please let me know in the comments.

Scroll below for links and show notes…

SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE

  • Connect with Patrick Collison:

Stripe | Website | Twitter

SHOW NOTES

  • What does Chris Sacca have to say about Patrick Collison? [06:03]
  • For the well-read Patrick, what makes a book particularly great? What titles get recommended and gifted most? [09:37]
  • Why The Dream Machine by M. Mitchell Waldrop has a special place on Patrick’s bookshelf (which lends further insight into how he vets his reading list). [13:53]
  • On the importance of giving ideas — whether they’re wrapped up in books or companies — time to fail before venerating them as innovations, and not writing off an idea you might tackle uniquely just because someone else has already tried it in a different way. [20:44]
  • When beginning Stripe, what did Patrick and his brother, co-founder John, know when entering a seemingly saturated market that nobody else knew? [28:50]
  • What does Y Combinator’s Paul Graham mean when he uses the term Collison installation, and what decisions were made in Stripe’s early days that — in retrospect — turned out to be really important? [35:04]
  • The tendency of many startups to overvalue PR and marketing, the siren song of high praise, and the shocking shortage of good software from companies that should — but don’t — understand its importance for driving organic traction in today’s marketplace. [46:32]
  • The future of your company is probably not going to hinge entirely on the first name that you give it — as Patrick demonstrates by telling us how SlashDevSlashFinance, Inc. became Stripe. [51:22]
  • A day early on when Stripe hit a hurdle, how it was overcome, and how this affected Patrick on a personal level. [58:07]
  • What did the conversation between the Collison brothers look like that day? Was there anything that trained them to develop the appropriate mindset to deal with these sorts of problems on a regular basis? [1:03:44]
  • Does having such supportive parents make the sometimes odd courses Patrick and John chart for themselves easier to navigate? [1:08:27]
  • Patrick fills us in on the kind of upbringing he and his brothers had in rural Ireland as “free-range” children, and how their parents cultivated their curiosity — from including them in dinner conversations with other adults to camping all over Europe to finding a local monk to teach Patrick ancient Greek when he expressed a passing interest in learning it. [1:14:44]
  • Some wise advice from Patrick about developing your own worldview — even if you don’t happen to fall within the “prime” years between 10 and 20 — and heuristics you can use to help. [1:26:06]
  • Patrick’s recommended people lists. [1:34:37]
  • Why is Patrick so fascinated by economic history and development economics? [1:37:09]
  • How does one gauge perceived economic progress against happiness? Or put another way, why are a lot of Ethiopians generally happy until they get television sets? [1:40:30]
  • What levers does Patrick think we might we pull to better equalize happiness around the world? [1:47:08]
  • What progressive strides has South Korea made in a relatively short period of time that might serve as an example to currently troubled areas looking forward to their own development? [1:53:28]
  • Suggestions Patrick has for people who are trying to increase the speed of their decision-making process, and concepts and books that have been helpful to me. [1:58:20]
  • When I’m agitated about any number of things, “What would Matt Mullenweg say?” is a question I often ask myself. Members of your close peer group can be helpful to your decision-making process even if they’re not physically around to ask. [2:06:37]
  • In many cases, the only way you can have more complete information is to make what might be the wrong decision and then course correct. [2:10:18]
  • Patrick recommends a few books that might help with decisional course correction — or reformatting the approach to make sure you’re not wasting time devising the best solutions imaginable for the wrong problems. [2:12:05]
  • Parting thoughts. [2:16:41]

PEOPLE MENTIONED

timferriss?i=EF-MPhVLvik:2QRoXyp_H4o:V_s timferriss?d=yIl2AUoC8zA timferriss?d=7Q72WNTAKBA timferriss?i=EF-MPhVLvik:2QRoXyp_H4o:D7D timferriss?i=EF-MPhVLvik:2QRoXyp_H4o:gIN

Source: https://tim.blog/2018/12/20/patrick-collison/

In 2019, I’m putting all my faith in God. I’m going to let him guide me without trying to interfere with his plans. I’m not going to keep knocking on the doors he decided to close. I’m not going to rush things anymore because I’ve learned to trust his timing. No matter how much I want things, his timing will always bring the best results. His timing will always make the imperfect situations perfect.

In 2019, I’m following his signs. Without trying to change the direction. Without trying to manipulate what these signs mean. Without trying to follow my own flawed sense of direction. I’m going to truly listen to his answers even if they’re not what I want to hear. I’m going to run to him when I feel lost.

In 2019, I’ll talk to him about my problems. I won’t talk to other people, I won’t keep getting advice from people who are just as confused and lost as I am. I’ll talk to him because he’s the only one who can fix them. He’s the only one who has a real solution. He’s the only one who can truly understand.

In 2019, I’m detaching. Detaching from what’s not meant for me. Detaching from all the expectations I had for myself and people. I’m detaching from trying to make everything work or having control over every single aspect in my life. I’m detaching from my own obsessions and my own demons.

In 2019, I’m trusting him more. Because God knows what’s in my heart. God knows what I need. He doesn’t need reminders. God doesn’t forget. I’m counting on him to make me whole again. I’m done trying to mend everything myself. I’m done trying to pretend like I know what’s best for me when I have the ultimate teacher waiting for me to put all my faith and trust in him. I have the ultimate healer.

In 2019, I’m leading with faith. Faith that I’m right where I’m supposed to be. Faith that the new year will bring more blessings and more positive transformations into my life. Faith that even if things don’t work out the way I want them to, they’re still working out in my favor. Faith that I’ll eventually receive everything I’ve been asking for because that’s what faith does, it turns everything around.


Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/rania-naim/2018/12/in-2019-im-leading-by-faith/

Maybe one day I’ll look at my body in the mirror and not see a cutting board. I’ll wake up in a world where I’m not a voyeur to my own blood. I won’t fall asleep with an old rusty little sharp thing next to me in my nightstand.

It’s just a reminder. At least, that’s what I tell myself.

The itch never really goes away. It’s a hunger. Like Princess Aurora, it is dormant. But today, there’s rain in my bedroom and each drop falls on me like a thousand little kisses from a prince’s lips.

Today, It’s alive like Lazarus.

It growls when I want to remember I exist. It forms a hollow in my stomach when I want to forget I’m here.

Time heals all wounds, they say, but the left side of my pelvis flashes white against an olive sky with the lot of them.

I stand before the reflection in my vanity and want to set fire to the landscape between the miles of skin that have spread from hip to hip. I hate myself for the way I cringe. The way I look at my large breasts and feel trapped. How I look at the way they sit on my chest and imagine that like me, they droop from shame. How I sometimes dream of excavating the muscle and fat from them. I turn around and look back at the cellulite behind my thighs. I spend long, tiresome minutes rubbing almond oil and using a natural-bristle brush to massage the flecks I find when I squeeze. I move on to the tiny stretch marks that threaten to show. I grasp the folds of my skin until it hurts, my mind drifting to a taut little stomach, tiny little arms, a back less soft.

I preach self-love, but some days I am rabid with self-loathing. For the dark thing I carry on the inside. For the flesh I wear on the outside.

I believe each body is beautiful, just not this one.

I could look into the eyes of every woman I come across, tell her she’s beautiful and wholeheartedly mean it, but there’s days I do not believe it of the woman in the mirror staring back at me.

I am a feminist. I believe in body positivity.

I am looking in the mirror at a hypocrite.

I pull out a red sequin dress from the back of my closet and weep.

I mourn the body who fit into it four years ago.

I mourn the body in the pictures inside the frames on my dresser from seven years ago. From nine. From ten. From twelve. From thirteen.

I want to throw myself with this one into the pyre.

I want to burn every place he ever touched. I want to fill with smoke every cavity left by each thief who stole. I want to erase the fingerprints of every man who couldn’t see me. I want to eradicate from existence every hand I should have never let on me.

I want to hurt for the all literal and metaphorical ways I ever put cold metal to skin.

As I stare at my reflection, I hear my mother’s voice telling me to be mindful of the weight. I hear him telling me I can lose it if I really work for it.

I want to break a lifetime’s habit of making myself smaller, reaching out with hands cupped, hoping for love.

Hoping to be enough.

I want to repent before this mirror for punishing this body and calling it comfort.

I dream of not shying away when a man calls me beautiful. I dream of believing in the sincerity painted across a pair of eyes when they praise me. The way I’ll let myself unfurl like a lily beneath their gaze.

I’ve never bloomed like that before. I’ve only ever been petals crushed between fingers of hands who could only love me when there was a lot less of me to touch.

I dream of hearing someone say they love me and my first thought not being “why?”

I dream of running my hands splayed over every inch of my curves and loving myself for what I do and don’t have, and for exactly who I am.

I pull out a red sequin dress from the back of my closet and weep.

I weep because I’ve been so unkind to this body and the girl who lives inside it.

I weep for letting every lie ever told to me cloud my vision.

I weep for the daughter I haven’t had. I weep imagining she, too, will grow to feel like this.

I push the tears from my face with the back of my hands. I stand straight.

I’m looking in the mirror. I’m reaching deep within myself and it is painful. I want to find my beauty. I want to believe in it.

I want to be able to teach someone else to see theirs when they look in the mirror.

I am trying. But today I look and I can only feel hunger.

I will look again tomorrow. TC mark


Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/natalia-vela/2018/12/i-pull-out-a-red-sequin-dress-from-the-back-of-my-closet-and-weep/

Stay single until you find someone who is willing to put work into the relationship. Someone who is mature enough to handle the responsibilities that come along with loving you. Someone who realizes laziness has no place in a committed relationship.

Stay single until you find someone who treats you well without expecting brownie points or a pat on the back. Someone who treats you well because you deserve it and he wants to see you with a smile on your face.

Stay single until you find someone who puts effort into conversations with you. Someone who listens when you speak. Someone who puts his phone down when you walk into a room.

Stay single until you find someone who puts effort into making you feel included. Someone who invites you out with his friends. Someone who takes you out to dinner with his family.

Stay single until you find someone who puts effort into the bedroom. Someone who attends to your needs. Someone who gives as often as he receives.

Stay single until you find someone who puts effort into planning dates. Someone who chooses the place and time so you are not stuck making all the decisions. Someone who pays attention to what you want to do on weekends and makes it happen.

Stay single until you find someone who does as much for you as you do for him. Someone who understands relationships are a two-way street and should never become one-sided. Someone who recognizes your worth and makes sure you recognize it too.

Stay single until you find someone who puts effort into loving you every single day. Someone who makes you feel appreciated for all of the little things you do instead of making you feel like you are taken for granted. Someone who makes sure you realize how loved you are instead of making you wonder whether anyone cares.

Stay single until you find someone who puts effort into every aspect of your relationship. Someone who texts you in the morning to let you know you have been on his mind. Someone who picks up snacks for you when he goes shopping so you always have something in his fridge to eat. Someone who spends hours searching for (or handcrafting) the perfect gift for you because he believes you only deserve the best.

Stay single until you find someone who does the dishes and laundry when you are having a rough day so you get a chance to relax. Someone who sprays on your favorite cologne before meeting up for a date with you. Someone who offers to drive you and your friends to the club so you don’t have to take an Uber. Someone who calls you when he is running late at work so you don’t worry about him. Someone who gives you compliments on your smile and eyes, along with your soft heart and hard work.

Stay single until you find someone who puts effort into pursuing you and puts effort into keeping you. TC mark


Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/holly-riordan/2018/12/stay-single-until-you-find-someone-who-puts-effort-into-loving-you/

I never spent much time in the closet; I spent most of my life in denial. In high school, I was just as self-conscious of every girl, but on top of making sure I was seen as popular and funny and smart and athletic and pretty, I obsessed over making sure I looked straight. There was never an incident where I was “falsely” outed; there wasn’t an overwhelming homophobic environment at my school; it was a delusional fear that I had created from my heterosexual hallucination.

I worried about hugging my friends for too long or saying something “weird” to my teammates, and I woke up every morning and planned my outfit around not looking gay. Instead of accepting the lesbian that I saw in the mirror, I did everything I could to mask her. I created ridiculous rationales as to why I couldn’t wear certain articles of clothing as if people would read them as clearly as rainbow body paint. This is an abridged version:

1. A watch

Men wear watches and women just ask men what time it is. Lesbians don’t talk to men, so they need to wear watches in order to know what time it is.

2. A ponytail

Lesbians never have time to do their hair. They’re too busy liking girls!

3. No makeup

See ponytail.

4. A sports bra in gym class

Everyone knows that only lesbians are athletes. Just because I play sports after school doesn’t mean I have to sweat through my mega push-up bra (that I’m wearing because I am a 16-year-old girl and we are the only ones who actually purchase these torture chambers). If I actually tried, then maybe I’d beat a boy. And boys don’t like when girls beat them. And I want them to like me.

5. Shorts longer than a quarter inch

My inseam needs to be just shy of risking a lip slip because boys like looking at girls’ butts and I do what boys like. I don’t look at girls’ butts though. Because I’m straight.

6. Bare nails

You know who else besides lesbians don’t wear nail polish? Dudes! And what else do they have in common? They like girls! Not me though! I paint my nails pussy pink to let everyone know I am NOT interested in women.

7. Oversized shirt

This may be the style now, but when I was in high school, everything had to be tight. Like white on rice. Or me on boys! Because I’m straight, remember??

8. Dress pants

One time I had to wear dress pants to a funeral and I felt like a powerful woman. Like Bette Porter from The L Word. Who is a lesbian. Ipso facto, only lesbians wear dress pants.

When I was in high school something inside me told me that being lesbian meant being masculine, and being masculine meant being ugly. I was the only person who saw the lesbian that I was trying to hide, but I still rejected her. “That couldn’t be me,” I thought, “I barely fit the stereotype. I HAVE to be straight.” This black-and-white style of thinking didn’t let me see the rainbow of opportunities that people could be (hehe, get it?). I could be girly and gay just like I could be manly and man-loving. There was no one “look” that determines someone’s sexuality.

Even after I came out, I am still not recognized as a lesbian unless I am kissing my girlfriend in public, and even then, people are still convinced that we’re just putting on a show. I had the opposite dilemma; when I went out to gay bars, I tried desperately to “look gay.” Had I learned nothing? I feel best when I’m not trying to look straight, gay, or anything else but myself.

I still have a very feminine style, but after getting over my irrational compulsion to look a certain way, I’ve been able to pull off some looks girls would only dream to. But more importantly, I’ve worn clothes my high school self would have been mortified over. Which is fine with me, because she was kind of a judgmental bitch anyway.


Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/alison-hinman/2018/12/8-things-i-didnt-wear-in-high-school-because-i-thought-it-made-me-look-like-a-lesbian-surprise-i-was-one/

I'm Not Going To Hang Out With You At The Last Second

Do not text me at the last second, asking me to come over. It makes it seem like I am your backup plan. It makes it seem like you only contacted me because you were bored and lonely and had no one else to fill the silence.

I am not interested in being your second choice. I am not going to sign up for a relationship where I am an afterthought.

Besides, setting plans at the last second annoys the hell out of me. It is not my style. If you want to hang out with me, make plans with me earlier in the week. Or at least earlier in the day.

If you have your heart set on hanging out with me, then giving me advanced notice shouldn’t be too hard.

In theory, the idea of someone picking me up at two in the morning for an unexpected road trip sounds romantic. In reality, I am not spontaneous. I am not the kind of person who goes with the flow. I am not going to be happy if you show up at my front door without a warning.

That probably makes me sound boring, like an old soul, like an old lady, but I cannot change the way I feel.

I am a planner. I like to figure out how I am going to spend my evenings ahead of time. I am not a fan of surprises. I am not a fan of last minute changes.

No matter how strong my feelings are for you, I am not going to change my plans for you — even if my only plans for the night are snuggling with my dog and reading a good book.

If you want to hang out with me, you need to text me and schedule a time to see me instead of asking what I am doing right now

If you ask me to hang out at the last second, you are going to get a no. I need hours to get myself ready. I do not sit around the house in full hair and makeup, ready to leave at a moment’s notice.

When you text me at the last moment, you must not realize I need time to shower and shave. I need time to figure out what I’m wearing. I need time to get myself in the mindset to socialize. Getting ready is a process for me.

I hate turning people down when I would love to spend time with them — but I wish they would respect my time more.

I wish they would understand I am not the kind of person who is excited about leaving the house on a whim. I need a head’s up. I need more than a ten minute notice.

It sucks to keep turning down plans, but if you do not like me enough to make plans with me ahead of time, then you do not deserve my attention anyway. I can wait for someone who understands the way my anxious mind works. TC mark


Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/holly-riordan/2018/12/im-not-going-to-hang-out-with-you-at-the-last-second/

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